What is with the mommy wars?

You see it all over the internet these days, mom’s voicing their opinions on the choices that other moms make for their children. One person expresses that they choose to formula feed, another mom attacks that decision and decides that she must be a better, more caring mom. One mom casually mentions that they circumcised, and another mom insists that they are abusive and possessive. Why is it that we can’t just accept that there is no, one, perfect way to parent?

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A few parenting groups on my Facebook periodically post questions asking parents there opinions on different topics. I recently posted a response on one of these. It was simple. It asked “Do you/would you circumcise your son?” I responded “Yes, I let his daddy decide because he has the penis, not me..” and oh my goodness. In came piling the replies about how I am abusive, how I care more about how my child looks than his happiness, about how it’s “not the family penis”, and on and on and on… wow. I mean seriously, wow. They call it a “human rights issue”, I call it ” my child’s genitals are of no concern to you”… I mean, for real, I don’t spout off my opinions on not circing your child. One, it’s not my business. Two, I’m sure your child will live a fine and normal life no matter if they have a little less or a little more foreskin. 

This didn’t teach me, sadly. A few days later the same page asked about nursing past one year old. I stated that my son nursed regularly until around 2 years old, and I still nurse him right before bed and first thing in the morning and that’s it. Again, in comes a flood of comments. My child will be nursing until high school. He will need therapy. It’s “sick” at this age. I am not allowing him to grow up.

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I saw another post a while back where a mom stated that she chose to formula feed simply because she did not want to breast feed. Personally, I felt that was just just fine. No need to explain herself any further. She didn’t want to breast feed, good for her. She is still giving her child nourishment, I don’t care how she does it. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding if that is what you prefer. Of course though, there were many people jumping on posting all of these “Breast is best” articles, calling her selfish, lecturing her… Why?! There is no need for that. It is beyond annoying and unnecessary.

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Basically, these comments made me laugh. However, as a human, I was also a bit annoyed and insulted. I mean, my child has a home, is clothed, fed, played with, loved, happy, healthy… As I’m sure most of our children are, and all of these decisions are personal choices that have no effect on you, your life, or your family. So, why is it that we feel as though we have the right to put in our two cents when it comes to these things?

The internet is great in the way that it opens up a lot of room for discussion. People can express their opinions and many band together on important topics. The problem is, parenting is hard. It’s a lot of stress, and pressure, and it comes with so much fear. You want to do everything perfect, and everything that will mold this prefect little baby into a perfect grown member of society. We have to remember though, that “perfect” does not exist. No one parent is perfect, no one child is perfect, no one decision on these topics is definitively 100 percent correct. We all have our arguments as to why we do it “the right way”.. So, how about instead of making it a war, we come together and accept that we are different, therefore or children will be different as well. That is okay, and normal, and there is no need to put more unneeded stress and pressure on each other than we already deal with naturally every day.

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As long as your decision doesn’t, potentially, have a harmful effect on others… which brings the topic of my next blog to mind.. but, we will save that for next time….

So, what have you been judged for as a parent? Do people ever make unprovoked and unwanted comments to you? Share in the comments! And don’t forget to subscribe to our newsletter!

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